Updates From The Edge

June 19, 2008 at 1:48 pm 5 comments

I am so sorry for slacking this past week.  It’s been busy but I just haven’t had much to say or know how to spit it all out, I guess.  I’ve been kind of blah and I’m not sure why.  That’s a lie, I do sort of know why.

However, I will update you all in one sitting.

My pool team had our big tournament (Regionals) the weekend of June 7 & 8th and WE ARE GOING TO VEGAS BABY!!!!  That’s right folks, we will be competing in the Nationals!  This would make it the third time our team has made it to Vegas, and as I’ve mentioned before, each time we’ve gone someone on the team has been pregnant!  2004; I was pregnant, 2006; both my sister and I were pregnant and this year my sister and a girlfriend of one of my teammates is pregnant.  Makes me wonder who it will be in 2010?

The news of my Uncle has improved some (for now).  He went in for surgery over the weekend to help unclog his bowels, which were causing him an unbearable amount of pain over the last few weeks.  He is feeling much better and is excited that he can go home relatively pain free.  As for the cancer, it’s still there.

Father’s Day came and went.  We had a big family barbeque, where we gathered all the parents, siblings and wee ones to one location.  We did the same for Mother’s Day and I think we will keep this a tradition as this way, we can actually spend time with the parents on these days and not have to squeeze different locations all into one day or spread them out over the weekend.  Since all the families get along, why not?

Tuesday I turned another year older.  Have I learned anything in the last year?  Most definitely.  I am actually making some life changes that I will save for another post as they are still in the works.

As for why I am feeling a bit blah, well for starters this has been a tough year emotionally for me with the 10th anniversary of Mikey’s passing, I’m not a fan of my birthday either and haven’t been since I turned 15.  My great aunt, whom I was VERY close with (she considered my sister and I to be the grandchildren she never had) ended up in the hospital on my birthday.  My parents never told me until the next day as they didn’t want to ruin my party.  

I had to absorb the news that she had uterine cancer which spread and caused her to swell terribly.  She wanted to see me but didn’t want me to see her as she wanted me to remember her as she was.  It broke her heart not to have me there, but it was something she felt in her heart was the right thing to do.  I was devastated and heartbroken, but fully respected her wishes.  

She passed away two days later.  I couldn’t bring myself to go to her funeral and have yet to visit her grave.  Friday marks 18 years since she passed away.  Her passing threw me into a whirlwind of emotions and a depression which lasted for quite a few years.

So, that is why I feel blah.  I have more to write on the subject of my great aunt as things of a supernatural nature have happened to me since her passing that deserve a post of their own.

To lift my spirits, I think I’m going to open the windows, make funny faces at the fish, tickle a couple of goofy kids, turn on some danceable music and have some coffee.


Entry filed under: Birthday, Daily, Death, Depression, Emotions, Family, Fish, Health, Heartbreak, In Case You Care, Life, Loss, Me, Memories, Pain, Pool, R.I.P., Relationships, Sad. Tags: , , , , , , , .

When Nostalgia Meets Fatal Attraction Is It All In My Head?

5 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Hules  |  June 20, 2008 at 12:58 am

    Hola Cheeks! I completely relate to the changes you are going through and wanting to make. I wish you luck as you move ahead.

    It was good news to hear that about Uncle B. Are you going to try to head to BC to visit?

    You are very well aware how I view birthdays…but I know you had a great one all the same!!! 😀 So Happy Belated Birthday, eh?!

    Sorry you are still hanging on to her death 18 yrs later and that it makes you feel the way that you do. I wish there was something I could say or do to ease any pain you still carry, but I know that there isn’t. So I just listen and always will.

    Btw – congrats once again on VEGAS, BABY!! However, I think you need to post some of those photos! 😉

    xoxo PPH

  • 2. Cheeky  |  June 20, 2008 at 1:15 am

    Thx PPH.

    My mind is wandering as I try to straighten things out. I’ll get there…Soon! LOL

    I was glad (even though deep down I knew the surgery was going to turn out well) and happy to hear that he was feeling much better.

    Outside of Mikey, her death was life altering for me. I will explain it in a post, but there was something about it all that just turned my life topsy turvy. I wasn’t able to see her, talk to her, have her tell me everything was going to be ok and that was hard for me.

    Thanks again with the VEGAS BABY! I will post a few pics in the next couple of days. I’m still pinching myself. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!

  • 3. Hules  |  June 20, 2008 at 1:32 am

    Yw, PPH.

    VEGAS, BABY! Make sure to post that one of you where it appears that all will die if you do not make that heavily focused and planned shot. hehe 😀

    I know you have told me a lot about how her death was so very hard on you and how things were never the same. I look forward to more posts about her, outside of all the chats we have had before. (instant messenger is our bitch!) 😉

  • 4. Romach  |  June 20, 2008 at 1:43 am

    Firstly congrats on Vegas indeed! I have never even been to the states but I would like to pass through Vegas at least, if I ever get to the states. But I hope you all have a fab time and it could be a little break that you need and will enjoy. I am so sorry to hear about your uncle. I really hope he can get all the help he needs to make him as comfortable as possible. It defo sounds like you have had one hell of a week for memories etc. So I will send you a big cuddly hug from across the waters and I hope you are feeling a little bit better soon. I like your combination for lifting your spirits too. I listen to music too when I am down and act the clown! It helps me a little. I have a few anniversaries of family members this week who have passed away also. Even though it has been many years I miss them so so much. People say things get easy with time etc but sometimes it doesn’t and I don’t mind that too much because in a funny kind of way I want to always miss them. I don’t want them to ever be forgotten about. Hoping the sun will shine down on you soon too. 🙂

  • 5. Cheeky  |  June 20, 2008 at 2:20 am

    Hules – Ah ha ha ha ha, pph. We’ll see about that one! Maybe the other pic of me shooting rather than the intense one. That’s a little too close up for me! Don’t want to scare my readers away!!!

    Romach – Thank you very much! I’m excited to go again. I will pick up some postcards and send them to you & Eiain! You’ll have to e-mail me your home address and once I return from Vegas, I’ll send you treats!

    It’s been a rough beginning of the year for bad news and memories of those passed, etc. I don’t know what it is, but there are days/events where things just hit you harder than you ever thought possible. Thank you very much for the wonderful hugs. XOXO

    I never want to forget them and I hope to never be forgotten too. I would like to know that when I die, I made an impact on someone, anyone. I agree with you Mark, I like being able to miss them too. I like being able to close my eyes and travel back in time to when that person made me smile. I love reliving some of those warm, fuzzy feelings I felt when I was with them. Whether it be baking cookies with my grandma to playing a prank with my aunt.

    Thank you so much for your kind words. I keep looking to the sky for a bit of sunshine, however a wicked thunderstorm won’t be too shabby! Those always make me smile! Hugs to you too!


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