I’m Not Much Of A Cheerleader Today

I woke up today feeling more blue than usual.  There is a huge sadness hovering over me and I just don’t feel right.  It almost feels as though I am carrying other peoples sadness on top of my own, but there is no one else around me except for my kids – and they aren’t sad.

I have had this happen to me before.  It’s a heavy, hollow feeling in my chest, accompanied by a sharp stab to the heart at the mere thought of whatever is causing the sadness.  My body feels as though someone is literally riding on my shoulders, trying to pull my soul out of the top of my head to get my attention.  It’s similar to the feeling you get when you are going up in an elevator really, really fast, only there is actually a presence there with you.

One would think that I am too far from my family right now (who live in B.C.) be feeling their pain and grief as strongly as I am, if that is even what I am feeling.  If it is, I can only imagine what my body will be like when I see them in person.

I am also experiencing something else I haven’t had in a very long time.  These last few days, almost every time I close my eyes, I see my Uncle’s face.  I see him as he used to look, not as I saw him last.  He is smiling and happy, which is obviously good, but it’s throwing me for a bit of a loop.  Is it just my subconscious remembering him or IS it him letting me know he’s okay?  I have had many people in my life pass away, but none that have done this to me before – to this extent.  Either way, I am welcoming it with open arms.  If he is actually coming to me and has something to say, I want to hear him and be able to pass the message along.

Only, I don’t think it’s just my Uncle.  I feel more than one spirit surrounding me.

I am not too sure right now how to react to the feeling I have, so I will just wait and see where the day takes me.  It’s going to be another hot day (+30℃) and I know that’s not going to help lift my spirits any, especially with having to get things ready to head out of town on Saturday.

I will see if some music will help take my mind of this heaviness.

I am bluer than blue.